Necessary Components for Emotional Intimacy

Necessary Components for Emotional Intimacy

Necessary Components for Building Intimacy and Creating a Strong Foundation For Your Marriage

The following are factors which are critical for deepening the intimacy in your relationship:


1. Be present with you partner, giving them your full attention

There are a million things in life to distract you. In a world of instant communication, information and entertainment, we are constantly bombarded. Whether it be TV shows, news, sports, Facebook, Instagram, we are often overwhelmed with competition for our limited attention spans. When your partner is talking to you, you must make every effort to turn off and tune out anything that would distract you from what they are communicating. Don’t even think for a second that you can multi-task. If you attempt to divide your attention, you will be perceived as inconsiderate and insensitive by your significant other. This damages trust and intimacy in a relationship.


2. Be emotionally accessible.

Most cases of infidelity begin when one partner feels as if the other partner is not in sync with them or not empathetic to their plight. Love equals connection. In creating a context for intimacy to grow, there is just no substitute for the candid expression of thoughts and feelings. Likewise, being emotionally available to your partner’s disclosures is also an absolute prerequisite. Allowing yourself to become vulnerable to someone who has demonstrated to you that they truly accept and understand you creates a deep bond of love and trust.


3. Be encouraging and supportive.

When your partner is feeling insecure and self-doubting, offer encouragement and support. Don’t be aloof and standoffish when they are anxious and confused. Don’t think that is in their best interest for them to struggle and persevere on their own. Throw them a life preserver in terms of your input and advice. Provide reassurance when they stumble and lavish praise when they succeed. You want them to think of you as their most enthusiastic and stalwart fan.


4. Seek commonality and respect in terms of your interests and values

Explore new activities together and discuss your reactions to these experiences. You should not feel pressure to possess the same response to these experiences as your partner. The most important thing is that, through your sincere and candid disclosures of what you liked and did not like about your shared experiences, you and your partner will create a culture of respect and admiration for each other’s uniqueness. Commonality in your values should emerge through this cultivation of a culture of cooperation and respect.


5. Don’t forget the importance of a sense of humor.

Laughter is the best antidote to the frustrations of daily life. Go to a comedy club together. Watch a comedy movie or TV show. Share with your partner some funny jokes or a hilarious comic strip. There are times in life when you have to dispense with the focused seriousness of the daily grind and appreciate the humorous ironies that abound in life. Share these beautiful light moments with your partner. It will deepen and strengthen your relationship.


6. Candor and Healthy Confrontation Will Strengthen Your Relationship

If your spouse or an issues affecting your relationship is really upsetting you. you must express it. Do not suppress it, thinking that if you communicate your dissatisfaction, you will be creating a rift.


If something is upsetting you, bring it up and discuss it now. Nip it in in the bud and don’t let it simmer and fester inside of you.
Maybe your spouse said something that you felt was insensitive. You felt he or she was disrespectful or perhaps steamrolled you. Speak up and let your spouse know! He or she is not a mind reader and cannot know what is bothering you unless you tell him or her.

Don’t be afraid to disagree. Ultimately, when disagreements are worked through and consensus is reached, a heightened level of emotional intimacy is created. A husband and wife who can speak their minds assertively regarding their experiences in the relationship will only get closer to one another. (It goes without saying that argumentation is only healthy when it is done calmly and respectfully and avoids personal attacks).

The benefit of raising problematic issues as they arise is so that they do not become indiscriminate cannon fodder at a late juncture. For instance, if you are upset at your wife for not being careful with her expenses and don’t express this concern on the spot…well, at a later juncture you are going to resurrect this issue when you express your irritation with another matter. You will dredge up the past which will be perceived as aggressive and hurtful by your spouse.

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