Premarital Counseling & Relationship Coaching
Every single is unique and possesses his her own unique goals and challenges in the dating process. In order to be successful at courtship, singles must acquire a specific skill set and toolbox of strategies. In my NJ relationship coaching and premarital counseling practice, I will help you become an eligible candidate for a future happy marriage.
In order to understand what space you now occupy, I would like to first describe the phases of courtship and relationship development:
- Dating Couples. Singles in open, non-exclusive relationship are having fun and getting to know one another. They consider themselves in an exploratory mode, feeling out whether or not there is any potential in the relationship.
- Pre-committed Couples. There is now an unspoken exclusivity with both partners agreeing to stop date others. While they may move in together, they are testing whether or not they are compatible enough to make a formal commitment. Pre-committed couples seeking relationship counseling when one partner articulates a requirement or demand the other partner is uncomfortable with. This deal breaking issue could be an addiction, an ambivalence about having children, or difficulty dealing with meddling family members. These issues need to be resolved in order for the couple to consider making a more substantial commitment.
- Premarital or Engaged Couples. A decision to marry at some point has been made, but the couple possesses blocks to actually planning the details of the wedding. The couple may have discovered some incompatibilities that trigger misunderstanding and conflict. The couples counselor helps the couple rediscover their shared purpose and forge a consensus through negotiation and compromise.
What I Do To Help You Transition From Being Single To Happily Married:
I Help You Work Out Your Issues and Hangups
In order to make yourself eligible for a giving and loving relationship, you must work out issues you inherited from your family of origin and from your traumatic life experiences. You must become a person with a self-confidence and a positive self image. You can’t love others before until love yourself.
I Help You Identify Your Core Values
In order to create a life of shared meaning and purpose with your future spouse, you must possess common values.
I Help Understand How Your Past Relationship Patterns Will Affect Future Relationships
Analyze the way you communicated and acted in previous relationships. You do not want to repeat the past by engaging in the same dysfunctional behaviors.
I Help You Understand How Your Money Management Skills (Or Lack Thereof) Will Affect Your Relationships
Are you a frugal saver or someone who enjoys spending money on entertainment and recreation. Knowing your “financial style” will go along way in terms of meshing with a someone with compatible perspectives.
I Help You Define Your Perspectives On Gender Roles?
Do you subscribe to more traditional gender roles whereby the man is supposed to behave a certain way and perform certain functions and the woman is supposed to behave a certain way and perform certain functions? Or do you believe in more a more gender neutral and equitable arrangement when it comes to division of roles? It is important to be able to articulate your perspectives on this important issue.
I Help You Recognize If You Are the Type of Person Who Feels You Need To Save or Rescue Other People (Codependency)?
We are carry around an idealized image of what we think the perfect spouse would consist of. When faced with a partner who deviates from this illusion, some people will try to change their partner. They may even rationalize that they are “saving” their partner from themselves (their bad habits, lack of discipline, etc). If this is you, then you have codependent tendencies and a difficulty with interpersonal boundaries. You must change your attitude and realize that you can’t “change” anyone except yourself. If you try to change your partner, you will only be met with anger and resentment.