Experienced NJ Marriage Counseling Practice: Helping Couples Heal For Over 20 Years
Garrett Coan, LCSW
Are You Frustrated and Unhappy in Your Relationship?
My marriage Counseling NJ Practice Helps Couples Heal and Grow
I can help your relationship if: You argue all the time; You can’t seem to resolve your differences in a respectful manner. Ineffective and hurtful communication continues to eat away at your relationship on a daily basis. You’re emotionally drained; You feel victimized and trapped. You used to believe that things would get better and your partner would change. However, things are only getting worse. Your intimacy and connection have faded; Affection and sex hardly ever take place. You feel insecure in how your are perceived by your partner and have lost the sense of being understood and cared for. You feel frustrated, lonely and frightened; It scares you to think you might have to live this way forever. You feel hopeless and depressed; You want to save your relationship but you don’t know how. My marriage counseling NJ practice can help you repair your wounded relationship. It doesn’t matter how much conflict or distance currently exist in your relationship. You too can learn skills in effective communication and emotional intimacy. Countless couples have been helped by my marriage counseling NJ practice. You can finally experience a loving and meaningful relationship which you yearn for and truly deserve.
Effective Communication is the Heart and Soul of a Healthy Relationship
Infidelity Is Ruining Your Relationship
Discovery of infidelity triggers shock and anger which then leads to a powerful sense of betrayal and rejection. I will support the victim as he or she works through these feelings of hurt, anger and sadness. I will also help the cheater take ownership of his or her behavior while validating their own feelings of frustration, hurt and sadness. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help both parties recognize the vulnerabilities in their relationship that led to the cheating and what aspects of the relationship need fixing to prevent infidelity in the future.
You Find Yourselves Holding Onto Grudges and Resentment
If you or your partner hold grudges in your marriage, it is a sign of dissatisfaction and instability in the relationship. The strength of a marriage depends on both partners’ ability to forgive one another. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help couples work through their anger and hurt so they can truly forgive and let go.
Bicker, Bicker and More Bickering?
It is only natural that couples won’t agree on everything. However, if disagreements are hardly ever discussed in a rational and compromising tone, feelings of positivity and warmth in the relationship will dissipate. If you or your partner feels disrespected or patronized when expressing disagreement, then you need help learning more effective communication skills. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help couples develop a greater ability to negotiate and compromise. I will also show you how to agree to disagree while maintaining a tone of understanding and respect.
Are Conflicts Over Money Affecting Your Relationship?
Sometimes a relationship is negatively impacted by conflicts over money. Couples often differ in their views of money and their spending habits. One partner may be frugal and cautious in their purchasing decisions. They may prefer to save rather than spend. The other partner may be more spontaneous and liberal in their purchases, viewing money as a means to enjoy life. Another potential pitfall involves couples becoming terratorial and adversarial over money, arguing over who is paying more of the household expenses. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I can help the two of you understand and work through these sticky issues.
Are Your Children Caught in The Middle?
Do you find yourself fighting with your spouse over issues surrounding your children? It is not uncommon for an unhappy relationship to lead to a situation whereby children become the focal point of conflict. Differing approaches to child rearing such as methods of discipline become a source of tension and dispute. Sometimes one party or both parties will subconsciously recruit their children as allies. Being co-opted in such a fashion is detrimental to the emotional wellbeing of children. Moreover, where such covert collusion occurs, children learn that they can split the parents and manipulate them into getting what they want. This process, in turn, only further exacerbates marital discord. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help couples formulate a unified approach to their children so as to avoid alliances and splitting.
Do You Find It Very Difficult to Tolerate Your Partner’s Personality and Idiosyncrasies?
No two people are the same. Our preferences and habits are a reflection of our uniqueness. Sometimes, couples come to view “difference” as irreconcilable incompatibility. This outlook can lead to frustration and resentment over time. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help couples understand how differences in style and perspective can sometimes promote personal growth in a relationship. In addition, I help couples appreciate how one partner’s strength can compensate for another partner’s weakness (and vice versa).
Empathize and compromise
Acknowledge that difference does not mean better or worse. Recognize the uniqueness in your spouse and you will learn how to empathize with them better. This is a foundation of happy marriage and what forms the cornerstone of marriage counseling.
Be giving and thoughtful
Make a point of marking special milestones such as birthdays and anniversaries with heartfelt cards, creative gifts and taking him or her out to a nice restaurant. Do simple chores to lighten your spouse’s load.
Learn to say “I am sorry”
When you realize you have made a mistake, swallow your pride and admit it. Apologies are the healing balm in a relationship. Your spouse will love and respect you for your ability to say “I am sorry about what I said or did. I was wrong.”
Nothing is more healing for a marriage than saying “I made a mistake. Please forgive me.” It may even be wise to apologize even when you feel you were in the right. When it comes to your marriage, don’t stand on ceremony and let your ego get in the way. Humility and a willingness to apologize is the way to go.
What to Do When You Discover Infidelity
When you discover that your partner has cheated, you’re initial reaction may be one of shock, anger and sadness. You will likely feel betrayed and rejected. Any sense of trust in your partner will greatly diminish. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I seek to uncover the underlying causes of infidelity in your relationship. Usually both the cheater and the victim are very unhappy in the marriage or may have an undiagnosed psychiatric disorder/ addiction. Oftentimes the boundaries, roles, and communication patterns within the relationship are compromised. When the marital bond is under significant duress, each spouse is vulnerable to pursuing emotional support elsewhere. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help prevent infidelity by improving communication, empathy and understanding. By enhancing the couple’s ability to express their feelings and needs, freely and non-defensively, I help make infidelity a less attractive option.