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Is Your Relationship Falling Apart?
Are you having trouble communicating, connecting and feeling intimate with your partner? Does it sometimes feel like you’re leading separate lives? Maybe you have the same arguments over and over again without ever resolving your issues and problems. Do you avoid being together or talking about certain subjects out of fear of conflict or rejection? Do you wish you could express your deepest feelings without being criticized or dismissed? Are you struggling with jealousy and mistrust as you suspect your partner of possible infidelity?
It can be lonely, stressful and painful as you struggle in your relationship. Maybe it used to be that there was closeness, excitement and contentment in your relationship. However, now you may feel disconnected, disregarded and lonely. Or perhaps you feel controlled or stifled by an insecure and jealous partner. Mental health issues, affairs, or substance abuse may be placing extreme stress on your relationship, causing respect, trust and communication to break down. You may be wondering how to recapture the spark that you had when you first met. You may desperately want to feel the connection you once shared, but are not sure if it is even possible.
Most of us never learned know how to engage in healthy, loving, relationships characterized by supportive and collaborative communication. We were never taught how to express our feelings, needs and wants openly and non-defensively. We also never learned how to negotiate and compromise in order to resolve conflicts effectively.
Because the two of you never developed the requisite skills to co-create a healthy, satisfying relationship, the lines of communication have become strained and disjointed. Feelings of disconnection and alienation have set in. At some point you reach the stage where you just can’t be open with your partner about your true thoughts and feelings. You find yourself feeling dejected, lonely and frustrated.
I can help the two of you learn the necessary communication skills and behavior patterns to repair and deepen your connection. In the process of acquiring these tools, you will become better able to empathize with one another, develop greater skill in collaboration and resolving conflicts, and become more flexible and giving in all of your interactions.
Let me show you the way with 18 years of helping couples like you recapture the spark in your relationship. Why not give me a call for a free consultation to answer all of your questions?
Meaningful change can begin today.
Do You Struggle in Your Relationship With Any of These Issues?
• Are conflicts over money undermining your relationship? • Do you feel that your partner’s friends or family members are intruding on your relationship? • Do you bicker over child rearing approaches? • Do you feel your partner’s personality is incompatible with yours? • Are warmth, affection and physical intimacy infrequent or practically non-existent? • Do you or your partner feel seriously betrayed due to acts of infidelity? • Do you or your partner hold onto grudges? • Do you avoid conflict and sweep issues under the rug?
I Can Help You Repair Your Connection and Experience Love and Intimacy Once Again
Your Relationship is Severely Affected by Infidelity
Discovery of infidelity can lead to shock and anger that transforms into a strong sense of betrayal and rejection. I will help you work through these feelings of hurt, anger and guilt as I encourage the expression of emapthy and support. I help both parties recognize what factors may have led to the cheating, how it can be forgiven and how it can be avoided in the future. You and your partner will learn how communication, empathy and understanding can help regain trust and security in the relationship.
You Find Yourselves Holding Onto Grudges and Resentment
If you or your partner hold grudges in your marriage, it is a sign of dissatisfaction and instability in the relationship. The strength of a marriage depends on both partners’ ability one another, not dredge up past behavior. The problem, however, is that couples often hold grudges subconsciously, as a defense mechanism to ward off other serious issues affecting the relationship. I can help you first identify this vital flaw in your relationship. I will then help you understand what deeper issues are being sidestepped by your being begrudging and resentful.
Bicker, Bicker and More Bickering?
It is only natural that couples won’t agree on everything. However, if disagreements are hardly ever discussed in a rational and compromising tone, feelings of positivity and warmth in the relationship will dissipate. If you or your partner feels disrespected or patronized when expressing disagreement, then you need help learning healthier communication skills. I will help you develop a greater ability to negotiate and compromise and how to avoid petty and trivial arguments. I will also show you how to agree to disagree and yet maintain a tone of warmth and understanding.
Are Conflicts Over Money Affecting Your Relationship?
Sometimes a marriage can be brought to its knees purely because of finances and money issues. Other times, it is one of the many problems that add to your relationship woes. If one partner has too much control over budgeting and spending or if one partner is too financially irresponsible, this can lead to tension and insecurity in the relationship. I can help the two of you understand and work through problems relating to money fimances.
Are Your Children Caught in The Middle?
Do you find yourself fighting with your spouse over issues surrounding your children? It is not uncommon for an unhappy relationship to lead to a situation whereby children become the focal point of conflict. Differing approaches on key child rearing practices such as modes of discipline become source of tension and dispute. Sometimes one party or both parties will subconsciously recruit their children as allies in their ongoing marital strife. Being co-opted in such a fashion is detrimental to the emotional well being of children. Moreover, where such covert collusion occurs, children learn that they can split the parents and manipulate them into getting what they want. This process, in turn, only further exacerbates marital strife.
Do You Find It Very Difficult to Tolerate Your Partner’s Personality and Idiosyncrasies?
No two people are the same. The way you in which your family of origin interacted with and you experiences with peers all influenced your personality development. Sometimes, couples come to view “difference” as irreconcilable incompatibility. This misguided outlook can lead to frustration and resentment over time. I can help you understand and appreciate that your difference s in style and perspective can be complementary and actually enhance your relationship.
Do You Pretend Your Relationship is OK By Sweeping Issues Under the Rug?
Sometimes couples are so frightened by the thought of conflict that they avoid discussion of any controversial topics. While sweeping hot button issues under the rug can bring about temporary relief, it will inevitably fuel frustration since problem areas are never resolved. I can help the two of you identify and rectify enabling, denial, evasion appeasement and any other conflict avoidant behavior you may be utilizing.
Empathize and compromise
Acknowledge that difference does not mean better or worse. Recognize the uniqueness in your spouse and you will learn how to empathize with them better. This is a foundation of happy marriage and what forms the cornerstone of marriage counseling.
Be giving and thoughtful
Make a point of marking special milestones such as birthdays and anniversaries with heartfelt cards, creative gifts and taking him or her out to a nice restaurant. Do simple chores to lighten your spouse’s load.
Learn to say “I am sorry”
When you realize you have made a mistake, swallow your pride and admit it. Apologies are the healing balm in a relationship. Your spouse will love and respect you for your ability to say “I am sorry about what I said or did. I was wrong.”
Nothing is more healing for a marriage than saying “I made a mistake. Please forgive me.” It may even be wise to apologize even when you feel you were in the right. When it comes to your marriage, don’t stand on ceremony and let your ego get in the way. Humility and a willingness to apologize is the way to go.
What to Do When You Discover Infidelity
When you discover that your partner has cheated, you’re initial reaction may be one of shock, anger and sadness. You will likely feel betrayed and rejected. Any sense of trust in your partner will greatly diminish. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I seek to uncover the underlying causes of infidelity in your relationship. Usually both the cheater and the victim are very unhappy in the marriage or may have an undiagnosed psychiatric disorder/ addiction. Oftentimes the boundaries, roles, and communication patterns within the relationship are compromised. When the marital bond is under significant duress, each spouse is vulnerable to pursuing emotional support elsewhere. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help prevent infidelity by improving communication, empathy and understanding. By enhancing the couple’s ability to express their feelings and needs, freely and non-defensively, I help make infidelity a less attractive option.
Give Your Relationship the Best Chance To Not Only Survive, But Thrive
What People Are Saying About Garrett Coan
I had the pleasure of working with Garrett for several years and witnessed his commitment and compassion to his work and his clients. Garrett has experience working with adults, couples, families and children struggling with stage of life issues to more problematic behavioral health problems. Regardless of the severity of the problem Garrett’s approach was always compassionate, caring and dedicated. He is a skilled clinician that I would certainly recommend. Staela Keegan, LCSW, LCADC
Garrett Coan is a respectful, professional therapist. He is a good listener, is easy to talk to and is able to create open dialogue. He is non-judgmental and has experience working with people of all ages and backgrounds. Brenda Nikelsberg Ackerman Institute for the Family, Administrator, Center for the Developing Child and Family
I worked with Garrett for three years and found him to be a caring and effective therapist. He works hard to empower each of his clients to find the right path for themselves whether he is working with children, adults, or couples. Whether you are considering therapy for the first time or have been in treatment before, I can highly recommend Garrett’s supportive approach. Anne Maberry, MSW, LCSW
Garrett is a skilled and experienced clinician. He thinks “outside the box” and comes up with creative ways to help people overcome their challenges. Garrett’s concern for each client is evident in the caring approach he takes. I highly recommend Garrett as an excellent therapist. Heather Feigin, LCSW
I worked with Garrett and I have to say he is a wonderful clinician. He has great insight into clients and has a variety of solutions to offer clients. He is very professional and cares about his clients. I would highly recommend Garrett to anyone that is dealing with issues and would like assistance to change!
Garrett Coan LCSW is a warm, compassionate, thoughtful and experienced psychotherapist. I recommend him highly to anyone looking for couples, family or individual therapy.
I’ve had the pleasure of working with Garrett for about 3 years now and I find him to be very passionate about his work with clients. His caring, supportive and friendly nature make him easy to get along with. He works with all ages- including families, couples, and groups, and is eager to help his clients work through any struggles they may be facing. I would highly recommend Garrett as a therapist!
I have worked with Garrett for a number of years and he has continuously proven to be a knowledgeable and caring therapist. He has the experience and skills to work with all clients ranging from individual adults to couples to children and families. Throughout the course of therapy, Garrett helps clients to overcome their unique barriers and obstacles so that they can move forward, more confidently with their lives. I would recommend Garrett to anyone who is struggling and in need of a helping hand. Charles Smith, MSW, LSW
I currently work with Garrett and find that he is a compassionate clinician who is truly concerned about the well-being of his clients. Garrett is experienced working with clients of all ages, as well as couples counseling and groups. Garrett is open-minded and adaptive making him able to partner with clients through the life stage changes and difficult situations we all face. I highly recommend Garrett if you are looking for a therapist. Carlo Salgado-Russo MSW LSW