Marriage Counseling NJ –
Couples Counseling NJ –
Premarital Counseling NJ –
Couples Counseling NJ – Therapist Heals Relationships By Improving Communication and Understanding
You are probably thinking “I would do anything to move past the hurt and rekindle the love and affection I once felt towards my partner. However, I don’t even know where to start. In my couples counseling and marriage counseling NJ practice, I will help you and your partner discover what went wrong in your relationship. I do this through a process of identifying and rectifying faulty perspectives and communication patterns. As an experienced couples therapist, I will help the two of you overcome conflict and alienation and re-establish empathy and trust. Within the counseling sessions, you and your partner will be encouraged to look past the idealized fantasy of what your partner “should” be. In the process, both of you will finally be able to let go of corrosive feelings of hurt and resentment. Through guided communication, I will provide the two of you the wherewithal to truly “understand” your mate deeply and authentically. The desire to change your partner will be transformed into a deep, genuine sense of love and acceptance. People seek a couples counselor to improve communication, emotional intimacy and the sexual component of the relationship. They also desire to resolve conflicts over roles, money and contrasting parenting styles. Sometimes, a couple needs to work through the pain of an affair and the loss of trust that ensues. In my work, I help my clients grapple with all of these issues.
Relationship Check-Up: How To Know When Couples Counseling Is Needed
Every couple should perform a “relationship check-up” on a regular basis. Here are a few signs and symptoms that your relationship might benefit from couples therapy. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I will help you explore each of these factors in depth:
Do You Hold On To Grudges?
If you and your partner find yourself constantly dredging up past wrongs, then it is a sign of a deeper dissatisfaction. Of all the people that one should be most willing and able to forgive, your partner should top the list. If you can’t let go of the idea that your spouse was (and is) “selfish”, “mean”, “controlling”, then you need to consider marriage counseling or couples therapy. You are either projecting onto your spouse your own unhappiness with yourself, or your spouse truly is the things that you say about him or her. Either way, these issues need to be explored, discussed and worked through in couples therapy.
Are The Two of You Frequently Deadlocked Over Practical Matters?
Sometimes, strongly held philosophical views on practical issues can create tension and conflict in a marriage. Topics such as approaches to child-rearing, family finances, and level of religious involvement can be fraught with disagreement. Because these subjects are so emotion-laden, people tend to become opinionated and defensive. If you cannot reach a consensus with your partner, but rather view him or her as “hopelessly off-base” then you need to consider counseling. A couples therapist will help you become better able to empathize and negotiate with your partner. Compromise is critical when it comes to these central issues that impact so heavily on family life. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I can help you learn these skills.
Money Can Be A Relationship Spoiler Unless The Two of You Get On The Same Page
I alluded to this issue in the previous paragraph, but this weighty subject requires further elucidation. Who controls budgeting in your relationship? Who decides if and when to purchase big ticket items? If the answer is your spouse, do you then buy things secretly because you are afraid he or she will criticize your purchasing habits? Do you maintain separate bank accounts because you don’t trust that your partner will be financially responsible? Or that he or she will use money as a weapon to hurt you? In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I will address these issues directly and openly. The potential stress and acrimony surrounding money can sink your relationship and marriage counseling can help you resolve these issues.
Are Unhealthy Alliances Forming Within Your Family?
Do you favor your son and your husband your daughter? Do you “see a reflection” of yourself in your son, telling yourself that he (and not your daughter) possesses inherited your temperament, interests and aptitudes? And, as a result, you feel you can relate to your son much better than your daughter, correct? What happens then when your children misbehave or fight one another? Do you instinctively side with your son and justify his behavior? Do you argue with your husband, contending that your daughter was the one who “started up” with your son. Competing alliances are toxic to the family dynamic. If you are sensing that you and your husband are cultivating opposing alliances with your children, then it is imperative that you pursue couples therapy to restore family unity. The preservation of both your marriage and family harmony depend on it. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I can help you sort through these issues.
Do You Constantly Bicker?
Do you find that you and your partner can’t seem to discuss anything without arguing? It’s one thing to have differences of opinion with your spouse. It’s another thing to letting disputes get personal and denigrating. Then it’s no longer about the issues. It’s about your spouse treating you disrespectfully and you feeling as if you have to defend yourself to preserve your dignity. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I can help the two of you appreciate the validity of your partner’s thoughts and feelings. I will help you recognize that, just because your spouse approaches things differently, doesn’t mean he or she is being dismissive of you. If your minor disagreements escalate into heated arguments, then the feelings of love and affection will gradually erode. Your mutual defensiveness will make you feel disconnected and distant. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I will help you distinguish between things that are small and petty and those things that really matter. I will teach you how to become more understanding, flexible and tolerant. Tolerance and forbearance, along with the ability to negotiate and compromise, are the keys to a healthy marriage.
Be Attuned To The Contribution of Personal Style and Habit
Sometimes the differences in the way you and your spouse communicate can be based on simple habits and patterns you picked up in your family of origin. Also you and your spouse possess innate proclivities for either being more rational or emotional. If your spouse is the logical type, he or she may communicate non-verbally through acts and gestures. Once you appreciate that just because you’re spouse does not express their feelings in verbal ways does not mean that they are being disrespectful or dismissive, your relationship will improve. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I will help the both of you identify your unique ways of communicating so that you can truly identify and empathize with him or her.
Do The Two of You Tend To Sweep Problems Under The Rug?
You may be pretending that your relationship is going well when it’s not. During your more logical and reasoned moments, you are seized by the realization that something is very wrong. However, you want to believe that things are going well because the prospect of your relationship falling apart is too scary to contemplate. Therefore. Most of the time, you rationalize, pretending that toxic interactions with your spouse are the exceptions to an otherwise loving relationship. You must come to terms and accept the fact that your connection with your spouse if frail and tenuous. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I will help you repair the bond.
Some Important Tips on Maintaining a Healthy Marriage
Empathize and compromise
Acknowledge that difference does not mean better or worse. Recognize the uniqueness in your spouse and you will learn how to empathize with them better. This is a foundation of happy marriage and what forms the cornerstone of marriage counseling.
Be giving and thoughtful
Make a point of marking special milestones such as birthdays and anniversaries with heartfelt cards, creative gifts and taking him or her out to a nice restaurant. Do simple chores to lighten your spouse’s load.
Learn to say “I am sorry”
When you realize you have made a mistake, swallow your pride and admit it. Apologies are the healing balm in a relationship. Your spouse will love and respect you for your ability to say “I am sorry about what I said or did. I was wrong.”
Nothing is more healing for a marriage than saying “I made a mistake. Please forgive me.” It may even be wise to apologize even when you feel you were in the right. When it comes to your marriage, don’t stand on ceremony and let your ego get in the way. Humility and a willingness to apologize is the way to go.
What to Do When You Discover Infidelity
When you discover that your partner has cheated, you’re initial reaction may be one of shock, anger and sadness. You will likely feel betrayed and rejected. Any sense of trust in your partner will greatly diminish. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I seek to uncover the underlying causes of infidelity in your relationship. Usually both the cheater and the victim are very unhappy in the marriage or may have an undiagnosed psychiatric disorder/ addiction. Oftentimes the boundaries, roles, and communication patterns within the relationship are compromised. When the marital bond is under significant duress, each spouse is vulnerable to pursuing emotional support elsewhere. In my marriage counseling NJ practice, I help prevent infidelity by improving communication, empathy and understanding. By enhancing the couple’s ability to express their feelings and needs, freely and non-defensively, I help make infidelity a less attractive option.
Key Elements in The Couples Counseling Process
What People Are Saying
I had the pleasure of working with Garrett for several years and witnessed his commitment and compassion to his work and his clients. Garrett has experience working with adults, couples, families and children struggling with stage of life issues to more problematic behavioral health problems. Regardless of the severity of the problem Garrett’s approach was always compassionate, caring and dedicated. He is a skilled clinician that I would certainly recommend. Staela Keegan, LCSW, LCADC
Garrett Coan is a respectful, professional therapist. He is a good listener, is easy to talk to and is able to create open dialogue. He is non-judgmental and has experience working with people of all ages and backgrounds. Brenda Nikelsberg Ackerman Institute for the Family, Administrator, Center for the Developing Child and Family
I worked with Garrett for three years and found him to be a caring and effective therapist. He works hard to empower each of his clients to find the right path for themselves whether he is working with children, adults, or couples. Whether you are considering therapy for the first time or have been in treatment before, I can highly recommend Garrett’s supportive approach. Anne Maberry, MSW, LCSW
Garrett is a skilled and experienced clinician. He thinks “outside the box” and comes up with creative ways to help people overcome their challenges. Garrett’s concern for each client is evident in the caring approach he takes. I highly recommend Garrett as an excellent therapist. Heather Feigin, LCSW
I worked with Garrett and I have to say he is a wonderful clinician. He has great insight into clients and has a variety of solutions to offer clients. He is very professional and cares about his clients. I would highly recommend Garrett to anyone that is dealing with issues and would like assistance to change!
Garrett Coan LCSW is a warm, compassionate, thoughtful and experienced psychotherapist. I recommend him highly to anyone looking for couples, family or individual therapy.
I’ve had the pleasure of working with Garrett for about 3 years now and I find him to be very passionate about his work with clients. His caring, supportive and friendly nature make him easy to get along with. He works with all ages- including families, couples, and groups, and is eager to help his clients work through any struggles they may be facing. I would highly recommend Garrett as a therapist!
I have worked with Garrett for a number of years and he has continuously proven to be a knowledgeable and caring therapist. He has the experience and skills to work with all clients ranging from individual adults to couples to children and families. Throughout the course of therapy, Garrett helps clients to overcome their unique barriers and obstacles so that they can move forward, more confidently with their lives. I would recommend Garrett to anyone who is struggling and in need of a helping hand. Charles Smith, MSW, LSW
I currently work with Garrett and find that he is a compassionate clinician who is truly concerned about the well-being of his clients. Garrett is experienced working with clients of all ages, as well as couples counseling and groups. Garrett is open-minded and adaptive making him able to partner with clients through the life stage changes and difficult situations we all face. I highly recommend Garrett if you are looking for a therapist. Carlo Salgado-Russo MSW LSW